young and restless 1/11/12

deacon's on his laptop looking at porn, wanting to shower with nikki. yikes. instead he showers alone and nikki pretends she knows how to use a computer.

phick run into each other. phyllis tells him she's working on finding who really killed diane.

genevieve asks myrna one last time to reconsider moving into jack's with her, though myrna says she'll be fine. g tells her ronan will be by later to talk to her which freaks out myrna.

angelo and gloria go to jimmy's. angelo calls one of his henchmen to find out about kevin. kevin and angelina are now at angelo's cabin in long island. well of course he wouldn't think of checking his own cabin. kevin gets his hand stuck to the window (what?) and angelina goes to pick the lock, and it was unlocked all along! uh, right.

jack shows up to pick up genevieve and her bags. ronan tells her he'll be by later to interview "the maid". lol, nice.

nikki, master hacker, tries to figure out how to log in to deacon's computer, but doesn't know his password. doesn't even try to guess, just tries to see if it'll magically appear there. deacon asks wtf she's up to.

nick asks phyllis out on a date, phyllis turns him down. nick needs to learn how to be single for a minute. geez. nick gets up, leaving the spot open for ronan to come see what's up.

adam runs into myrna/patty at crimson lights. girl has a death wish. why is she even there?

adam runs into jack and genevieve and asks about myrna and if she gets out much. jack then talks to phyllis, who tells him she broke up with ronan. jack asked which of them wants to get back with whom: nick or phyllis. phyllis said she rebuffed nick. ronan found a handwritten note on his windshield, turns out to be a page from diane's diary.

patty then talks to (and pets, wtf) dust bunnies from a broom and says she has so much to do in genoa city and can't let anything derail her plan, hence planting the diary page. she then kisses the dust. yes, i'm serious.

gloria and angelo play a very creepy game of table bowling at jimmy's. gloria notices everyone angelo notices at the bar has some kind of injury (broken arm, black eye).

angelina suspects someone's been staying at the cabin, though they must be long gone because...? they have fuck all food left from when the boat fell over or something, i kinda tune this storyline out.

nikki asks nick to help him with a file she emailed herself that she got off deacon's laptop. she thinks it has something to do with diane's murder.

the diary excerpt of diane's reads like a trashy romance novel. ronan asks her who she was sleeping with around the time of the entry. phyllis says no and leaves. ronan asks jack if he knows about it.

patty calls adam and asks for a favour. adam agrees but doesn't go.

jack says he's not the subject of the entry, though it could be tucker, nick, or victor, but his money's on adam.

kevin says angelo's a jerk for not supporting angelina's (fake) pregnancy and also for threatening kevin when he was simply protecting her. angelina was about to tell him something, but someone comes in the cabin, so they hide in a closet.

jack admits to genevieve that he did sleep with diane after she returned to town, but they fought more than they got along. he also says he doesn't care about his exes' past or who they were with.

phyllis drops by nick's house unexpectedly and practically tries to throw nikki out. nikki agrees to let her in on the secret about trying to open deacon's file if she promises not to post info on restless style. phyllis agrees and gets a look on her face that says that shit's getting posted anyway.

ronan shows up at adam's and asks if they slept together and shows him the diary entry.

gloria answers angelo's phone which really pisses him off. gloria says he's nice, fun, and treats him like a lady and a broad at the same time. haaaaa. she says she wants to date him in a steady relationship.

kevin suspects the sudden houseguest has ties to angelo, rather than some homeless drifter. he sneaks up on him and knocks him over the head. IT'S JEFFREY!!!! aww yay! the fucker deserves to be clocked on the head.

jack thinks it's odd that adam brought up myrna and asks if genevieve has ever considered running a background check on her. g is waaay too trusting and loyal and thinks she's fine, though jack thought maybe she had ties to colin.

patty sees deacon while waiting for adam. deacon hides something under a dumpster and runs away.

adam says his relationship with diane was never consummated.

phyllis opens the file, which turns out to be a movie. it looks like a suite at the gcac. it's deacon and diane having sex.

next...
nikki tells victor he's been taking the fall for the wrong person.

angelo tells gloria she's going to see courting like it's never been done before.

jeffrey tells kangelina he needs to get to gloria and go home now, though kevin says they can't.

young and restless 1/10/12

lily goes to see cane at jimmy's to thank him...?

sophia watches her wedding vows on a laptop. oh how the mighty have fallen. she's gone from being independent to practically being sharon. well, not nearly as skanky, but still. she's looking like she's truly in love, until it gets to neil's vows. then it's like she finally realised neil married her out of obligation, not love. they babble about moses, then she mentions she didn't think neil didn't look like he was having fun at the wedding.

tucker calls devon. clingy much? i've been ff'ing through this shit so i don't even really know what's going on. though creepy katherine's lurking behind him and overhears it.

devon's working in the studio, and realmommy shows up.

phyllis and summer drop by to see nick. aww, baby makes three.

greasy talks to some random person on the phone and has to mention yet again that she managed to get billy to pay for everything.

billy and victoria talk about greasy, billy swears he won't exclude victoria from making any decisions, but she'll be out of their lives.

tucker blah blah i've been talking to devon because it's a contest. katherine extends an olive branch, tucker says no.

dimples brings devon a package and proceeds to crowd his junk. turns out devon can't distinguish between certain pitches, like a painter being colourblind.

villy talk about how to handle greasy, billy says he wants to handle her himself and wants her to be on board. oh and hay here's greasy still pigging out. turns out she's got a lot of debt, no wonder she's putting so much pressure on him to pay up right away. he asks her to come over now.

ohh, it turns out it's lily's first gig as a photographer. i'd describe the shoot but it sounds lame. billy's mentioned so i assume it has to do with restless style. she asks cane to babysit for the night she'd be away filming the shoot.

sophia basically says she has cold feet...now. she knew from the get go they didn't marry for love, but for moses. so why is she shocked he's not looking at her the way husbands usually do? i for one am glad, because i'd rather never see them have sex again, once was bad enough.

dimples looks up info on cochlear implants for her kid, and from the looks of her dimples i take it she likes what she reads.

summer beats phyllis at some video game and asks nick if she can use his laptop to check email, leaving phick alone to talk about shicktor. he mentions he quit newman and that she did say he couldn't trust his father.

greasy turns into a cash register and opens her till.

lily says the custody arrangement needs to be revised to allow him more visitation, then they smooch some more.

dimples looks at some stuff printed out that's way too small for anyone to read, but chancellor industries and mccall unlimited are mentioned. she calls tucker to talk to him about his problems with the implant.

victoria meets with someone from the adoption agency to update them on the situation.

greasy says she plans on splitting town rather than getting a job in gc. lol, like she was ever planning on working. she says $3m and she'll leave. billy says she's not getting a dime.

summer screams and comes downstairs. her finger's swollen, wtf? good lord, what an idiot. phyllis seems annoyed by her own child, haha.

katherine drops by...nophia's (lol) house to offer neil his job back.

tucker talks to dimples about devon's problem with his implant. turns out the printouts are of organisations that do shit for meningitis survivors who lost their hearing, and of course one just happens to be one mccall donates to. haaaaa.

greasy admits to billy she's broke and threatens to sell the story to the tabloid. billy calls her bluff and tells her to go ahead and do it, victoria isn't some little weakling and she should be more scared of victoria than him.

tucker calls the organisation to get some info and arranges a meeting between devon and one of the doctors. he asks why she didn't go to katherine first.

katherine grovels to neil about some business decision i've long since forgotten about and that it would never happen again. neil says she can't promise that, and that's his point, but katherine can't hold the position open longer. i'm proud of neil for sticking to his principles, but unless they have him work for some faceless company, he's screwed now. sophia waddles back in (sry she did really waddle) and ohh he was pissy about the devon thing, that's right. sophia thinks katherine's learned her lesson, yeah right.

greasy turns down billy's initial offer and leaves as cane drops by the house.

summer now has the most hilarious contraption of ice and paper towels or something on her hand, it looks like this huge claw or hockey glove or something. all for a swollen FINGER. nick's trying to get phick back together, but phyllis isn't having it. run, girl. you know he only wants you because he's not with you right now.

neil's considering accepting katherine's offer and suggests sophia should negotiate his contract. sophia says it's because she knows what he's worth. good lord woman, the man doesn't love you. maybe he will in time but it won't happen overnight and you can't force it.

devon's spazzing out at crimson lights and katherine's trying to suck up to him, but devon's not having it.

dimples says she came to tucker with this first because he's devon's father, rather than going to katherine.

greasy is freaking out that things didn't go the way she wanted, and that he doesn't care if she goes to the presses or not.

victoria and lily drop by the house too, so lane get filled in on the plan. greasy is going to stripped of her parental rights to villy can raise the child.

next...
angie has to tell kevin something!

nikki can't figure out deacon's password, and he asks her what she's up to.

adam sees patty at crimson lights.

young and restless 1/9/12

two labs ran this test and they confirmed that all markers indicated billy was the father! greasea makes some snarky comment that she's surprised billy didn't pay off the lab tech or something. stfu, like you know him so well, bitch. i can see the dollar signs coming out of her gaping vagina.

nikki's still pretending to be drunk at the athletic club with deacon. he asks why she snuck out to see victor on nye. she gives a...non-answer? idk. then says she can't do it.

nick pays adam a visit in jail and informs him newman enterprises should be able to get rid of him now.

restless style sold out, shock of the century. but srsly, how hilarious is that cover? i kinda wish we could read this magazine for realz, even if it were just online. michael visits and warns phyllis she declared war on victor.

sharon says again she'll be his wife. yeap, like i said on friday's show, like we didn't all see this coming. victor wants to get married...immediately! of course.

greasea says she should be grateful billy isn't rotting in prison for what he did. and why isn't he? if someone raped me, uhh yeah he'd fucking pay. i wouldn't care if he knocked me up, that'd make me want him to pay even more. victoria calls her a liar and leaves. greasea says they'll deal through their lawyers and bankers. lolz.

nikki tells deacon victor's marrying sharon. she says she's not good at being alone.

adam claims the restraining charges won't stick, witnesses will testify they were engaging in conversation. what witnesses? they were alone in a courtroom, not hanging at fenmore's.

victor says hay how about tomorrow. since there's no reception or anything, why wait? the sooner he can care for her, the better. creepy. she agrees, why wait? though she's not sure what his reasons are for marrying her. then why do it? good lord. the fact that she's even considering this just shows how looney tunes she really is.

adam tells nick he plans on selling beauty of nature and taking the funds to buy companies in trouble. nick says it'll never happen. why does he care when victor just did what he did?

nikki gets deacon good and drunk, who hops in the shower to try to sober up. she then tries to go through his laptop to find out what he knows about diane's murder.

victoria calls the adoption agency but says today's not a good day to meet with them, but that her feelings on adopting haven't changed. can't villy can't a break, geez?

billy tries to talk to greasea to refresh his memory on what happened. he admits he was drunk, but he remembers she hit on him, which she says isn't a crime. he thinks she drugged him and wants to know what really happened.

michael warns phyllis if she attacks sharon, it'll upset sharon and she needs to watch her back. and this is shit we didn't know already?

adam comes to see victor to...gloat? he keeps acting like he won some prize or something.

sharon goes to see nick to pick up faith and tells him oh btw, i'm marrying your dad tomorrow. so his daughter will also be his step-sister, cool. chinatown has nothing on this.

greasea keeps saying there's nothing illegal about what she did, making conversation, hitting on him, kissing him...and from time to time she would help cops fill their quotas. so she's at least admitted that yes, she planted the drugs on him. then admits FINALLY that the sex was consensual, but that she's sticking to her story. except billy was recording it. oops!

oops! nikki gets caught by deacon snooping in his laptop, so he plans on strangling her. totally rational reaction, right? victoria shows up and throws him off, thankfully. she's there to tell her the test results.

billy tells greasea about mackenzie, who, ya know, actually WAS raped. she calls him a spoiled little rich boy. and then has to rub the whole baby thing in his face again. yep sweetie, we know you're preggers. you won't stop reminding everyone. kinda like how you wouldn't stop telling everyone billy assaulted you, but that was bullshit, wasn't it?

sharon claims there was shit about her and nick they never knew. riiiight. so you just kept the whole thing where you're practically a sex addict a secret from your high school sweetheart and hubby for like what, a decade? and her kleptomania? no, these aren't traits you developed later in life, this is who you've always been. though part of me kinda believes that. and it turns out she hasn't even told noah, she's just asked him to call her back. class. she hasn't even spoken to her poor mother yet.

victor tells adam he's marrying sharon. that wiped the smirk off his face, FINALLY. then as he leaves, michael drops by. talk about a fucking revolving door. does victor even have a cell? michael needs to "make some arrangements, okay?" michael's received info on adam's shit at newman.

billy asks greasea what's wrong with her, having to make up the rape story and twist the knife in front of his wife. then she claims they're a lot alike. whatevs. then she says the fun doesn't come cheap. way to sound like a prostitute.

victoria's moping about how one night with some chick results in a hellspawn, while they've had to spend a year trying to grow their family. well, when you can do it the old fashioned way it only takes one night, sweetie. had you not poo-pooed the surrogate idea so quickly you could already have some chick knocked up with a villy, junior.

deacon has something to tell nikki!

phyllis writes an online blurb about sharon, promising to keep them informed.

nick asks sharon to tell victor he quits.

michael tells victor adam's planning on selling beauty of nature. victor says do nothing.

billy plays the tape where greasea admits she wasn't raped. victoria is glad to hear it, though says she never thought he raped her anyway. victoria admits she thought she was over needing a biological child, which she is, but hates how easy it was for greasea to get pregnant with billy's child. billy tells her she's a perfect, amazing wife and mother. but she wants to carry her child, as does he.

greasea saunters up to adam, trying to sink her hooks into him again. adam calls victoria her sister. aww, i do have to admit i find his half-assed attempt at defending her sweet. then the bitch says she won the lottery. oh, gtfo. i hate that women like victoria can't carry children and this miserable bitch gets pregnant like that. i mean that's how real life is but jesus, i watch this show to escape real life.

deacon wants to snuggle with nikki aaaaall night, though nikki comes up with a quick escape so deacon can delete shit off his laptop. but nikki's snooping on him too. oops!

next...
katherine wants to persuade neil to come back to work at chancellor

greasea asks billy if he wants this baby out of his life, he says he doesn't (oh boy, i don't see where this is going)

lane smooch in a booth at jimmy's (how is that even spoiler-worthy?)

young and restless 1/6/12

okay, i'm going to try something different. i've been tossing up what to do with this blog when it became clear i was running out of things to do with its previous incarnation. i was typing up what happened in today's show to tell someone who was going to get to see it and thought, i might as well transcribe it somewhere. why not a blog? we'll see if i keep this up.

victor sitting in the visitor room (aka his jail cell), pondering how he's managed to weasel his way into remaining the top actor on the show while everyone else languishes with lame storylines. not that his are any better, mind you. he has a visitor! adam. he's here to congratulate him in his proposal to sharon, except he claims the two will never marry, because sharon still loves him. victor says adam can't give her what he can. what, the creeps? they both manage that quite well in their own way, thanks.

nick's all pissed saying the judge can't just hand over faith to sharon, like she's the mother of their child and he overturned a prior ruling or something. the judge says both sides need to draw up arrangements for how the shared custody will work. (i personally think sharon will be fair, considering she's been sharing custody of her vagina to the men of genoa city for years.) mi¢hae£ says sharon wants custody of faith nao! while the papers are drawn up, even though the agreement will take forever, since nick's had sole custody all this time. judge agrees that faith needs time to be raised in the wanton ways of sharon. nick calls sharon selfish and manipulative and says she sold herself to victor to get custody of faith.

jack wants genevieve to move in with him...now? no, in five years. but they just got engaged! honey, we can't have slow, normal romances on this show anymore! things need to be sped up! they both believe these latest things (jack's illness, the crap with her stairs) aren't coincidences, and since kyle's being shipped off to school somewhere, of course she'll move in with him! patty can't believe it! how dare a couple who are to be wed soon anyway move in together. even though he dumped her ass like 30 years ago THEY BELONG TOGETHER DAMNIT.

greasy haired chelsea is offended again at something billy did. how dare he ignore her calls. it's almost as if he has a life or something. for someone who got raped and knocked up, she sure is clingy. it's like chloe2.0, except even she didn't have the balls to say she got raped. billy's talking to phyllis that victor's off the hook again, though phyllis says he isn't since he proposed to sharon. billy gets a text from chelsea. jesus, leave him alone already. he tells phyllis some bullshit that it's a reminder to get a teeth cleaning. lmao, okay. phyllis suggests talking about the next issue, billy says she should take relax for a bit which she takes as taking the afternoon off, though he doesn't protest.

jack offers to help genevieve pack. g needs to talk to myrna, and jack said he forgot all about her. oh snap! billy needs to talk to jack.

sharon says nick has no right to accuse her of selling out! really? why else is she wearing that ring? we all know she doesn't really want to boink him. she's horny, but she's not that desperate. nikki and victoria suggest she bought the ring and proposed to him. nick calls michael out on doing everything victor asks him to, after butting his head in and telling everyone to dial it back a bit. only in gc can people hang around in the courtroom after court's adjourned. granted, i thankfully don't have experience in this, but i figured especially these days with budget cutbacks, there'd be a revolving door of cases to be heard, so the courtrooms couldn't just turn into meeting spaces for the lawyers and clients before and after the cases.

adam says he can give sharon everything she needs. yes, except for stability in every sense of the word. isn't he broke again? or if not, he's certainly not loaded like victor or nick, and lord knows sharon won't dirty those hands. and she was already on the crazy train before she met adam, but she only went further off the rails once she hooked up with him. come on. he's convinced once she has custody of faith, then baby will make three. victor says she's in court for that right now. victor reminds adam that sharon didn't choose her as adam walks out.

genevieve tells myrna she's convinced all this crap that's happened lately is the workings of colin and as a result, she's moving in with jack. and she wants myrna to come with her!

jack visits billy. billy tells him chelsea's in town, the girl who set him up in myanmar and that she's claiming she's pregnant and her bump is his.

nick says he knows about chelsea, that nikki told him. he said we have to stick together since victor doesn't care about them.

sharon won't shut up about the stupid custody result. you got shared custody, and even your own lawyer doesn't give a fuck. congratulations, you have no friends. he says to be grateful she had a sympathetic judge and to steer clear of any red flags to nick or the judge (aka adam) that could be perceived as a lack of judgement. she seemed startled by that. this only means one thing: shadam will be knocking boots by sundown and OH LOOK WHO JUST WALKED IN THE COURTROOM. and he pretends to care that she won custody of the baby he stole from her.

genevieve doesn't want to leave myrna alone in the house of horrors. even though myrna was spooked the other day by this mystical alarm that wouldn't stop going on and off, now she's eerily calm about it all and wants to stay behind. to do what? i guess to keep the house clean. oookay.

billy suspects victor's behind everything in myanmar, including chelsea. jack doesn't seem shocked by it and asks what's the story. jack knows billy's incapable of raping a woman. and again, if billy abbott raped a woman, at what point did it not occur to her to go to the fucking police over this? he thinks he was drugged and has heroin planted on him. what's billy going to do if this kid is his? seeing as that happened to daniel already...anything's possible.

avery tells phyllis she thinks the restless style story is classy with a k, and informs her sharon won shared custody. she's surprised nick didn't already tell her! lawl, manufactured drama.

michael tells victor he helped sharon win shared custody, but he's alienated his family. victor says "for now". michael asks "is it worth it?" and shows him the latest copy of restless style.

shadam are still hanging out in the courtroom. adam thinks sharon accepted the proposal because he dangled faith in front of her like a carrot. then he says hay drop the restraining order! yeah, cuz she's not wearing your dad's engagement ring or anything. he shows her the cover of restless style. then he pulls the "you don't love him, you love me" crap, and says he'll prove it. turns out he's called the cops and turns himself in for violating the restraining order.

victor mumbles crap about billy abbott's venom "doesn't bother [him], okay?" i love his okays at the end of half of what he says. whatever.

sharon's so stupid she has no fucking clue why adam just turned himself in for creeping around her. he says it's okay, you won! you can drop the restraining order and we can be together. for someone who always goes on about how he went to HARVARD and how he loves to skirt the law, he sure doesn't get how it works. in america, in a CRIMINAL case you can only be tried once. for example, she was proven innocent of the murder of skye lockhart. even if a video confession came out of her saying "i killed skye lockhart", they can't do shit. double jeopardy. but a custody case? that's a CIVIL case and (i believe) is not exempt from this. at the very least, what if you had an instance of two parents who were in and out of rehab? one cleaned up their life, but the other fucked up? oh well, the initial judge said this, we can't overturn it and have another hearing for it? uh no. until faith is 18, sharon needs to keep her nose clean and stop hanging out with sleazeballs like adam. end of story. unless adam does some serious work and redeem himself (i mean for realsies, not the half-assed attempts he's made), nick could always make the case that he's a bad influence on faith and therefore shouldn't be around her. aaaaaanyway, as sharon reminds adam, they said goodbye. the cops finally barge in (really, there were none in the courthouse?) and ask her if she had a restraining order against him and if she wanted to press charges. she says yes and has him arrested. he gets that pissed off look on his face when you know he's about to become a petulant child again and start throwing temper tantrums.

jack asks billy how victoria's been with this. billy says surprisingly great, but it seems mean since victoria can't have kids, and here comes this random oily chick who hasn't showered since the 80s claiming to be pregnant with his kid.

more screen time of nikki and victoria. blah blah let's pour tea, victoria isn't mad at billy because he was set up. we were so close to adopting a baby. why did they never consider a surrogate? then the baby would be 100% biologically theirs and no one could ever take it away from them, i'd imagine they wouldn't want to go NEAR adopting, even if it were legal this time. then greasy chelsea barges in, with nikki demanding to know who the hell she is. "i'm the one billy knocked up." classy! waah, why hasn't billy been answering my calls? have you heard the test results? why yes, everyone knows but they've been purposely not telling you. wtf. so then she sits her ass down and helps herself to tea. how drunk was billy for this person to have ever reminded him of victoria? my guess is he was drugged before he started on that "lawl victoria i lub u" crap, though i'm not sure if that was before or after chelsea asked him about the tattooed wedding band he had. he had a tattooed wedding band, he says he has no one special in his life, and you believe him? pamela anderson has a tattooed wedding band too and even though i think she's not married to tommy lee this moment, i'm sure if you'd ask her about it she'd tell you it was from a previous marriage, not pretend like it didn't exist or something. yeah, her story doesn't have more holes than swiss cheese or something.

oh hi shick. phyllis ran into avery. nick's upset about having to share custody, phyllis shows off the latest issue.

and now sharon is babbling about faith to the only person who does a slightly convincing job at pretending to care, rather than acting like they're just paid to care: victor. and did adam see you? sharon wants to know why he'd ask that. because victor's all-knowing, bitch. then she says she had him arrested for violating the restraining order. LAWL. ELL-OH-FUCKING-ELL. honey, you didn't have him arrested. adam had himself arrested. he put the loaded gun on the table and asked you to pull the trigger, then was shocked when you did. victor asks if the article by "billy abbot and phyllis" (as apposed to that other billy on the show) changed her mind about wearing his ring.

avery and michael sit at the bar and talk shop about the newmans.

nikki says greasy chelsea can't just barge in and start making demands and to leave. she says this baby *rubs belly (which might actually just be chili cheese fries and bud light rather than a baby)* gives her all sorts of rights. rights? is genoa city its own country now? honey, the only rights you have right now are the ones every other person has. just because you're supposedly with child (i swear, even chloe didn't rub her baby bump every time she mentioned being preggers) doesn't mean shit. it doesn't entitle you a complimentary high tea at the abbott house. (gossiping and mean looks extra.) victoria tells her to leave and they'll call her when they know the results. chelsea makes it clear she wants to be taken care of. so she was paid off to take care of billy and now is using the baby as a meal ticket, victoria asks? not actually denying anything, greasea says she didn't even know victoria existed. okay? ohhh, so that makes this all okay? you're allowed to fuck with some single guy's life and bleed him dry? billy walks in and says the test results are in. i could see the light reflecting off greasea's hair. oh, so the cameraman spiked his hair today. cool.

genevieve's all packed today, one little shoulder bag and one suitcase. rich people are always either light packers or need 50 suitcases for an overnight trip. myrna's now full-on patty now that she's home alone. saying the abbott estate was her house. riiight. umm see, john abbott was alive back then, so it was actually HIS place, sweetie. jack didn't even sleep in the master bedroom. but i'm actually glad psycho patty isn't remembering everything perfectly. that'd be a little weird if she did.

back to shick. no, nick's not defending sharon. they agree to disagree with the story. did nick really think phyllis wasn't going to write about sharon (especially since she said she was going to write about this)? and you didn't think it was going to be complimentary? make up your mind, nick.

they make a big show out of showing us nikki is drinking club soda, not vodka. deacon asks nikki why she went to visit victor on nye. pull up a barstool and we'll talk about it!

sharon's telling victor her same old tired crap that she should really just tape and play back. she must get tired of saying it. "nick and the others they're just so quick to think the worst" well...yeah. you haven't exactly been a great role model the past few years. nor have you been hanging with the best people. victor told sharon she'd never have to worry about faith as long as she was with him, and that he hoped she'd realise....blah blah he just said all the right shit for her to finally give him an answer and say yes, i'll marry you. surprise of the century, right? because they so had him propose and everything only for her to say no. and she put on the ring and wore it for a week only to say no.

victoria, billy, and greasea are sitting in the doctor's office for the results. unsurprisingly, billy is the father. right.

next...
michael to phyllis: you declared war on victor, and that is a very bad idea.

billy to greasea: why don't you tell me what really happened between us that night?

sharon to nick: victor and i have set a date and we're getting married tomorrow.

things i enjoy about nz, part 4

to make up for having not updated in a while (school sucks), i thought i'd have a bonus entry today. while milkshakes here just don't exist and the ice cream could be better, there are two frozen treats here i just can't get anywhere else.

memphis meltdowns and frujus

let me start by saying this is the most awesome ice cream bar ever. aside from the out of print milky way bar, that is. the proportions are just perfect: it's got the right amount of ice cream, raspberry goo, and chocolate. and it all tastes so yummy. they make other ones but this one is just perfect. the raspberry is tart which helps cut the sweetness of the ice cream and chocolate. there's a gooey caramel one which i think is good, but sweetness overload.

frujus are also delicious. it's the closest thing to a popsicle here (well, for me at least since the only flavour i like is orange), but it's a little different. for starters, it tastes like actual oranges instead of the fake crap popsicles use. so that's a good thing, right? i can eat one and i'm getting probably 5% fruit juice, which is more than i'd get from a popsicle! they're so yummy though, and very refreshing. i don't really need the refreshing bit anymore since it's cooler, but it's a great summertime treat.

while i may not be able to get a good malt here, at least i have these things to tide me over!

things i miss about america, part 6

even though it's getting colder here, that still doesn't stop me from wanting ice cream. in fact, i forget the exact statistic but there's a northern state (geographically, i think it's either in the midwest or alaska) eats more ice cream than any other u.s. state. the fact that the other day was the anniversary of the ice cream sundae also tells me this entry is appropriate now more than any other time of year.

ice cream, milkshakes, and malts

now, i'm certainly not suggesting these things don't exist in new zealand or anywhere outside of america. it's just due to different recipes as well as personal preferences, it's all totally different here. i've had some decent ice cream, but nothing as awesome as the ice cream i've had from various places in america. and again, i'm not knocking it, it's just a difference of how americans like ice cream to taste versus how kiwis like it. mostly i just stick to the occasional gelato because gelato is fucking amazing (here at least, the one time i had it in the u.s. it was just eh).

the huge difference here is milkshakes and malts. malts are hard to find here but they can be hard to find in america too, so oh well. but milkshakes, my god. to me, a milkshake consists of a couple scoops of ice cream, milk, and maybe some flavouring like chocolate syrup or something. i prefer black and white shakes (or even better, malts) which is like a chocolate shake but it's made with vanilla ice cream. it's great because i love chocolate, but i hate super chocolatey milkshakes where they're practically black from having so much chocolate syrup in them (and usually made with chocolate ice cream). they're nice and thick, though still drinkable through a straw. here it seems to be a different story.

here the shakes are basically flavoured milk. blech! i like chocolate milk but it's not a substitute for a chocolate milkshake. not to mention the chocolate milkshake syrup used here probably has no chocolate whatsoever in it, it's the fakest crap i've ever tasted. australia's lucky in that at least they have baskin robbins, who i assume would make a milkshake the same way in any country. as much as i love new zealand i gotta admit, at times like that it makes me wonder if i'd feel a little more at home in australia.

there's nothing wrong with putting a little ice cream in that milkshake, guys!

things i miss about america, part 5

i figure this post needs to be made now before it gets too cool to make much sense. these days it's not quite so bad, but when i sit in a room sweltering, i can't help but think about how my bedroom back in america has a nice wonderful air conditioner (the whole house has a/c but i also have a window unit because it gets way too hot in there. i'm not wasteful though, once i got the window unit i closed the vent.) and it's always nice and cool in there. another thing i miss is how come july, everywhere you go is nice and cool.

every building having air conditioning

once it gets to the ridiculously hot part of summer (granted it isn't as hot here) and the high's like 40c/104f every day, it's so wonderful to be able to walk into any building - a store, restaurant, anywhere and be greeted with a wonderful whooshing wall of cool air.

i'm not one to really complain about the heat (or the cold really, because i know in six months' time i'll be wishing for the opposite of the current weather) but memphis summers are brutal. yeah it gets hotter elsewhere, but the desert summers are much more tolerable (i know this, i went to vegas one august) because it's a dry heat.

people throw that phrase around a lot, but coming from somewhere where it isn't a dry heat, trust me. there's a huge difference. i can imagine summer just thinking about it. it gets so hot, humid, and muggy that as soon as you take a step outside, any oil on you (and believe me, you may think your skin is dry, but you'll soon be mistaken) comes out of your pores and sits on top of your arms, face, etc. you could've just taken a shower but now you want to take another one.

it's brutal. everything definitely needs to have air conditioning there. without getting into a bunch of social commentary or anything, there are people in memphis that don't have it and every summer, there's always deaths as a result of this. it's horrible.

anyway, there it's a necessity. here it's definitely considered a luxury item, which is sad. as i said it's better now, but a month or two ago it was torture to be out walking, getting hot and sweaty. then i go to walk inside somewhere and out of habit expect it to be cool, but finding it's usually even hotter than it is outside. plus it's just stupid business practices.

as i walked around doing christmas shopping, 95% of stores (i should point out too i was at the mall, walking in stores that are chains) had no air conditioning. it was ridiculous. i wanted to spend as little time in the stores as possible, and as a result would usually walk out without buying anything. instead of trying to decide if i should buy one thing (or trying to decide between multiple items), i'd just walk out empty-handed. that's lost money for them. i don't blame the stores, though. they just lease the space, they don't own the building. i blame the cheapskate mall developers. they sit in their air conditioned offices, ordering things out of catalogues, online, or if it involves a brick and mortar store, having their assistant do it, they're out of touch with reality. i should stop there or i could go on forever.

in conclusion, people like feeling comfortable! not everyone has the same opinion as to what comfortable is (i've worked with people who were freezing when i was still breaking a sweat - no exaggeration), true. but the great majority tend to find something in the high 60s/high teens as at least somewhat comfortable. make it that temperature year-round, people will linger more. of course when the weather's gorgeous, turn the a/c off and open the door. but in the extreme summer and winter, some climate control is essential.